So, I murdered a squirrel yesterday. Just ran over the little furry bugger with the truck. To be fair… I’m pretty convinced that the squirrel had suicidal tendencies. He was waiting on the side of the road under a tree. Then, he suddenly darted out infront of the truck. He would have made it across the street too … if he had not decided halfway to double back – 3 feet infront of the truck. It was then I felt a wee bump. Looking back in the rearview mirror I saw his little carcess limp on the asphalt… just as the 3 cars behind me squished him to oblivion.
Suicidal Squirrel – RIP 
I have often seen a dead squirrel on the road and mulled over the circumstances of its demise. Now I know. They are depressed and suicidal little creatures and there is nothing we can do about that. Look, I can understand that is not easy being called cruel things like…”a rat with a bushy tail.” Its not like they can go seek help at the the Squirrel Shrink.
Then again, perhaps they do have a shrink… but he’s no bloody good. Instead of listening to your issues… all the Squirrel Shrink does is chatter away — complaining about the price of nuts, the rising rent for the hole in the tree where his office is, etc. Then you get a bill for 500 acorns for a session that leaves you more depressed than when you got there. The way I see it… as a squirrel there is really no option… but to off yourself.
So, one day… you get out of a session. You’ve just been informed by Herr Squirrel Shrink, that starting next week, sessions are going to cost 250 more acorns!! Sure, the Spring is here but you busted your furry little tail last Fall to amass the small stash in that secret hideaway. But since these sessions… its been depleted to where there is an echo in the room. Just you try to impress a romantic possibility… with an echo in the room! It just kills the mood. You know you’re not going to get any until you fill the room up again…. and the earliest that is going to happen… is in the Fall!
Then you see an unsuspecting truck turn the corner… closely tailed by 3 cars. You know the driver of the truck has no choice but to barrel ahead. You make your move… and its over.
So… now… because of this deranged, depressed, needy squirrel… my KARMA IS TOTALLY SCREWED! Its just pushed my rodent killing account over the top! It stands now at 50 odd roof rats… and 1 squirrel. I could have gone with 500 more dead rats… but that one little squirrel just put it over the top and totally busted my karma account. One stupid little squirrel that didn’t have the balls to suck it up and forge ahead – not having the guts to believe that “Its just nuts!” and “theres always a tomorrow!”
Damn that dead squirrel! I’m just dreading and wondering what my karma payback is going to be. Oh, woe… oh, woe is me.