da old blogs da thang http://manunis.com/oldblog Mon, 23 Dec 2019 15:34:17 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.0.7 http://manunis.com/oldblog/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/cropped-dabloglogo-1-32x32.jpg da old blogs da thang http://manunis.com/oldblog 32 32 last post here http://manunis.com/oldblog/2019/12/last-post-here/ Mon, 23 Dec 2019 15:25:29 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9618 Continue reading

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There have been several blogs by moi on several platforms since 2005. Most of them had been migrated to this present blog. In those migrations, some things have fallen by the wayside… like some comments that were posted via third-party plugins… along with some music also embedded via third-party plugins. But the core is still here.

By the beginning of 2020 this one will cease to be… current.

As part of a personal shift, I have been in a state of consolidation. Be it emotional, behavioral, physical, material… as well as digital. (Oh, won’t bore you with the details but it is all good.) As such, this particular blog will continue to exist… as an archive… over here at manunis.com/oldblog…  this is even reflected in the title of this blog da OLD blogs da thang.

Will there be a CURRENT Da Blogs Da Thang? In not so many words… Yep.

As of January 2020 marcelnunis.com will bring you to the new one. (It currently points to this one… in case you were wondering.) The other change is my user name will shift from “lecram” to “marcel”. (I know… right?!)

The last 15 years has been a fun ride. I used to blog every day… mainly as a means to choke-start the ole writing engine. Yeah, it is true… writers have to trick themselves into just starting to write daily. It is really no different than warming up before the daily walk.

“Writing is first and foremost a physical act!” That is my standard answer when people approach me about tips on writing. “If that is what you want to do… ya just have to do it!” And so, for the past 15 years… blogging was my warmup. Though… happily… it did evolve into more than just a warmup.

Will I go back to blogging everyday? I will probably not be as prolific as I was in the past… but I do hope to blog (and maybe even vlog) on a more regular basis. What I really want is to rediscover… the delight… not just in the act of creation… but also in the living of life again.

For those of you who have visited here… frequently or infrequently… please accept my many thanks for your presence. I hope to see you back when the new blog is up.

Cheers and have a wonderful holiday!

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learning to love life again http://manunis.com/oldblog/2019/10/learning-to-love-life-again/ Sun, 13 Oct 2019 13:48:49 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9610 Continue reading

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Somewhere along the way, I went from loving it to liking it… and at times not liking it that much. Liking it is not bad but loving it is better… much better. Now that I know how and why (see the previous post for context) I’ve been gingerly taking little steps along this process to get forward to where I want to be with myself.

Notice I didn’t say “go back to…”. From my late 20s, I came to the conclusion that going back to anything was akin to a “redo”… a regression of sorts. For instance, if there are bumps in a relationship, any suggestion of “going back to when we were…” is a fool’s folly. I’ve always thought the best practice was to identify the problem… attempt to fix it, make amends, forgive and be forgiven and move ahead. This is because the “bad parts” have happened… and one can’t backspace one’s life. It’s there and recorded. Heck, I could go on and on about this but I won’t… this post is not about that. What it is about is being good to myself.

You see because just being “in like with life” made me less productive. And when I say “less productive” this is not just to do with work but also with how I relate with the world. I have often joked about how much of a hermit I had become over the last few years. So, that has to change or at least be altered some.  I’m still going to live a quiet life… but with more engagement than I did before… and build on that.

“It’s the little things.” We’ve all heard that phrase before. But it really is. Of late I’ve taken to consciously accomplishing something (outside of my daily routine) within the first hour of waking up. It may be as simple as fixing something that has been long neglected. What this does is provide me with a successful reference point at the start of the day that I can build on for the rest of it. It also puts me in an agreeable demeanor… and that’s a good thing.

I’ve also taken steps to stop denying myself. To that end… I actually attended a play with a friend yesterday. As I was prepping to go, that all too familiar (insidious) voice inside my head said, “Come on… wouldn’t it be easier and more comfortable just to stay home and watch TV?”  Of course, it would be… but that would also be an avoidance of engagement. So, the score yesterday was ME 1, VOICE 0.  I’m a realist… I know I’m not going to win every time… but in the big scheme of things, if I keep the score in my favor I think I’ll get to the headspace that I want to be in.

Yes, I do understand that this is a process and no fix is ever instant… to that end I’ll keep plugging on so that I can savor more the adventure that is life.

Cheers!

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de-Borging http://manunis.com/oldblog/2019/09/de-borging/ Wed, 25 Sep 2019 00:08:35 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9572 Continue reading

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Yeah, I haven’t blogged in a while… nor have I created any new vlogs. After this year’s Rogue Festival the high I got from doing my show and working with my friends who were critical in supremely enhancing the show with live shadow play and foley work… dissipated.

It was back to real life again… not that that is necessarily a bad thing. I like real life. Over the last few years I have even celebrated the mundane… finding the delight in the day to day.

Fast forward a few months… to about 6 weeks ago. My main computer went to sleep and didn’t wake up. It is not as dramatic as it sounds. My default power-saving setting was for the computer to go to sleep after 2 hours without any activity… but this time it refused to revive with activating mouse or keyboard. And unlike Sleeping Beauty or Snow White there was no kissing option to wake it up.

So, via one of the two tablets I have… I did some research and apparently… this can happen. I researched possible fixes and set about trying each one of them out. There were seven that I took my time and meticulously tried. None worked. Something else must be wrong. This was not a good thing since the computer is the instrument via which I earn my living from.

So, since then I have been researching what that might be. I deduced that it was probably some component that has gone kaput. Also, I did not have the funds (nor do I still) to send it out to some nerd-shop to get it checked and fixed.

The good thing about not being stuck to the computer all day like I usually was… is that (between attempts to fix the problem) it provided me with the opportunity to reacquaint myself… with myself. Hence the title of this post. The realization that I was so tied to the machine loomed large. There were things I liked doing… simple things like sitting under the gazebo welcoming the beginnings of a new day that I had deprived myself of for over 3 years.

But this time away from being stuck to the computer also provided me with the opportunity to arrive at some realizations. The biggest one being that I’ve been suffering from depression for the last 10 or so years. Ya know, friends can tell you what it is (which they didn’t in my case) but until you identify it for yourself… it is just “their speculation”.

This is most evident by the lack of or spotty creative output over the last 10 years as compared to the flow I used to have before then. This is pretty telling… and I’ll explain why. When I was younger, I romanticized the idea that I was the angsty tortured artist. This fallacy was evident with my low creative output during that period.

Once I squashed and set that pretentiousness aside, things changed. I discovered that I am most creative when I am happy… “an almost insane gleefulness”… as a friend once described it… “… you sit there half naked writing and chuckling to yourself.”

Heck, one year (my most prolific) I created 9 new pieces for theatre performance. So, I went from tortured artist to gleeful craftsman… and was all the better for it. (BTW I have never called myself an artist.) And my creative output bore that out.

So, when I looked back over the last 10 years… the truth slapped me hard in the face and this was something I had to come to terms with. Truth be told… I’m still arriving. I should have caught a clue when one of my status updates on Facebook read… “I’m just trying to find a way to give a fuck again.” There it was… staring me in the face. It was depression… and not cynical callousness.

Sure, I could point to the passing of Mum as well as a few good friends in that time that may have contributed… but until one acknowledges that it is depression… all of that is moot.

The first step is acknowledging it… and the next is to dive into the process of handling and coping with it. Both require throwing hubris out the window… which I’m doing. My hubris has never been that heavy anyway.

In hindsight… it all made sense. I could be roaring at work for a few days… and one day wake up to find the same work totally overwhelming… and not wanting to touch it for several days. Of course, this brings all productivity to a halt. Not good for business.

The day I came to this realization and acceptance is the same day I finally identified (what I think) is wrong with the computer. It is one of the components that has indeed gone kaput. Funny how that happens, eh? At least I know what needs to be replaced. But I still lack the funds to replace the defective part. But this post is not about that.

It really is more about walking away to rediscover oneself… and what may be bruised and broken internally. Then, it is about plucking up the courage to face the process of fixing it.

So, that’s where I’m at right now… but it is a better place to be than not knowing. Hah… I just realized that the computer issues actually kinda mirror my own. Funny (again) how that is.

Yeah, I need to get back to the half naked chuckling as I create part of myself again… in forward motion.

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yes, I’ve started vlogging… again http://manunis.com/oldblog/2019/01/yes-ive-started-vlogging-again/ Fri, 11 Jan 2019 15:39:08 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9547 Continue reading

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I first tried my hand at it very many years ago… and stopped after four episodes. Though I was much busier then and was involved in many more activities than I am in now, it always felt as if I was scrambling for new material. I suppose it was the playwright in me that insisted every episode had to contain an arc, structure, and substance. Ya know… control issues.

So, why have I decided to take it up again? And yes… I’m calling it “Sometimes In A Sarong”… because I sometimes am. The easy answer is… because it’s there. However, to be a little more transparent I’ll list some of these flimsy reasons below in no particular order of priority.

  • I have been following several Youtube channels over the last few months. It continues to astound me all the different sub-cultures that exist out there. Everything from cooking demos to “reaction videos” to reviews of movie trailers. (Who would have thunk, eh?) Though some of my favorites are travel vloggers… and my current all-time favorites are the ladies of BEER FOR BREAKFAST. I especially enjoy their “can-do” attitude… so, check them out.
  • I’ve been in a funk for a while now. When one is in a funk even things that we love can feel like a grind. In my case, it was my bread and butter work. So, I thought I’d use the tools of my craft… for play. And “play” in this case would consist of vlogging. I’m hoping by “playing” via vlogging I’ll fall back in love with my craft. I’d better if I want to eat again.
  • I have a show coming up for this year’s Rogue Festival. I’m remounting my show “Lies My Father Told Me“. (Something else I did to pull me out of my funk.) Yeah, I’ve done it before… but I’m doing it a little different this time… it will be an “enhanced” storytelling show. As such, there will be a “team” involved in my show. I figured via vlogging I could provide a little “behind the scenes” footage… as it is happening. This in turn (hopefully) will garner interest in a potential audience to actually turn up to the show when it is mounted.

So, those are my reasons and I’ll stand by them. In the meantime… here is the latest episode of my vlog… with another dropping in a few days. If you’re into it… do subscribe to my youtube channel… like the video (and share)… feel free to comment. Cheers!

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moment accumelation http://manunis.com/oldblog/2019/01/moment-accumelation/ Thu, 03 Jan 2019 17:16:25 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9490 Continue reading

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It is 8:10 AM PST on January 3 as I write this. I’ve been thinking about moments… memorable ones… the kind that floats to the surface without any prodding. We live our lives, and in so doing, create memories. Some we try to forget and others we hold on to dearly. Good ones or the less pleasant ones… they are always there. Even if we choose not to remember them, they probably still exist in someone else’s memory bank, especially if it was a shared experience.

If we sit down and think about it… there are probably just a handful we can recall instantly. For instance, I can still recall, at the age of 8, that magical moment I rode a bicycle without the aid of training wheels. It was in the hallway of my Uncle Anselm’s place in Seremban. The sense of euphoric triumph that surged through my body was electric. Though I did not whoop in celebration but instead held it within in a quiet victory. (Yeah, I even did that at an early age.)

If we sit a little longer and go through our mental Rolodex of memories others will emerge. There are things we have done or accomplished… places we’ve been… unusual or unique experiences… and people.

The ones I delight in the most are the people ones. It used to be that thinking of someone was to scan an index file of moments… of words… of actions… good, bad, indifferent. They are all there. They exist despite how we choose to edit them. At times recalling those can bring about delight and entertainment and at other times disappointment and despair.

That has since changed… at least for me. It was a short while ago… I’m uncertain if it was a conscious choice or I simply slipped into it… but now when I think of a person I remember a moment… or a shared moment…. most often an accumulation of many moments… distilled into one. It provides me with the essence of the person in their relationship to me.

I have now have accumulated sixty odd years of these moments. It is fair to say that some float up more readily than others… but my life has been made richer by all of them. I can only hope the ones I’ve shared with others hold a similar esteem.

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closing out the sixth decade http://manunis.com/oldblog/2018/12/closing-out-the-sixth-decade/ Sun, 30 Dec 2018 17:48:07 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9511 Continue reading

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picture by Kim Thompson

Well, that went by in a jiffy. Don’t get all jiggy yet… it’s still a few days away. Think of this as a pre-emptive write. Sure, there have been challenges along the way (and probably a fair amount more ahead to face)… but I really have no complaints. Besides, bitching without action is worth absolutely nothing… nothing… except to create annoyance to others. (Yeah, this is a not so subtle hint to some of my friends on FB.)

Looking back, the one constant in my life can be encapsulated in two words… starting over. This truism has been part of my life ever since I was a kid. “Of course.”… you are nodding your heads… “Your choice of profession dictated that!” Fair point… but it actually goes beyond that.

It is more with the people in my life. From a very young age, I noticed that when one feels blessed with the people in our lives… circumstances will ultimately shift those people out. You are then tasked with replacing them with others. Then you feel blessed for a while… until the cycle repeats. The upshot is you get to meet and know a lot of people along the way. So, it is not entirely a bad thing. It certainly has added richness to my life. The lesson here is to make the best and fullest experience while it is happening. The “leave it till later” is a sure death knell to “it” ever happening.

As for what I chose to do as a profession… it became abundantly clear early in my training that my destiny did not lie in the forefront but in the background. The reality of the market when I started sort of dictated that. But I still wanted to be a storyteller… so, in order to facilitate that, I created my own universe and invited others in. This was hardly a stretch since I already had the grounding from the culture of hospitality that I grew up in.

It is true that I grew up different. Sure, everybody says that… but in my case, it was sometimes painfully true. I once ugly cried to my Mum and between sobs desperately demanded, “Why can’t I just be normal?!” Poor Mum… it was unfair for me to pile this on her with the life-long ‘mother’s guilt’ she already carried for me being a victim of polio. Hopefully, I made up for it down the line. Though it has to be said… that was also that same day I decided to embrace my ‘different-ness’ fully.

I’m sure being stricken with polio at the tender age of four months did contribute to my disposition… somewhat. But honestly, I cannot completely attribute it to my disability. You see, there has been something inside of me that always ran counter to my immediate surroundings. I did try to be like everybody else… really… but there has always been a streak in me that was… odd. It is subtle and kinda sneaky… but odd. It presents an appearance of ‘normal’… but it’s not. It is odd. In days of yore, the title of Marcel the Odd would have readily been bestowed upon me to much fanfare… or maybe derision. As such, I have never really assimilated… but observed and integrated instead.

No, this post is not going to be a life history. Parts of it already exists on this blog. And if you know me on a personal level… parts of it has been shared with you… and for that I am eternally grateful. Besides, no one’s life can be encapsulated in one post… and I am in no particular mood to embark on some wanky tome of my life. Suffice to say it is one that is chequered. At times I sowed both smiles and hurt along the way. Hopefully, the percentages of the former are higher than the latter. I’ve always tried to be honest with all my dealings… but there are also times when I have failed in that virtue to my own regret.

Looking back… I am thankful. I have seen. I have done. I have loved… and been loved. I am especially thankful to those who loved me and who inspired me to want to be a better version of myself. I am even thankful for the let-downs, challenges and seeming disasters that have occurred. Without them, I wouldn’t be the ‘me’ I am now. And I am most thankful for my never-ending curiosity to learn.

So, what’s up ahead? Who knows? To keep on doing and learning, I guess. A day will come when it all stops… at least for me. That day is closer than it once was. Until then, it is all forward with the tools I’ve acquired along the way… and I hope to pick up some new ones as well.

On the fourth of January when I enter my seventh decade… there will be a whole new set of triumphs, defeats, and challenges to face… but that’s life, ain’t it? Life is both grand and finite… so, use it while you have it. I fully intend to… in my odd little way.

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clawing out of a funk http://manunis.com/oldblog/2018/12/clawing-out-of-a-funk/ Tue, 11 Dec 2018 16:10:23 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9495 Continue reading

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And not the syncopated “down on the one” kind. Truth be told I’ve been in a righteous funk for the last 6 months or so. The last time I was in one of these pits of festering despair was about 10 years ago. And I’m not talking about the periodic “one or two days I’m in one and the next day I’m not” variety. We all get those. That’s part of life.

I’m talking here about the ‘super extendo nothing matters anymore‘ variety that keeps any kind of personal movement to a minimum by falling back on to “the less I do the better it is for everyone… including me” modus operandi. And more than that, it is the kind where it is not just that nothing mattered anymore… but even my very own existence became superfluous at best. Not exactly the best place to be. And it is not the kind that attracts company either… and the dwindle in that area has not slipped past my keen observation… not that keen was a criteria in noticing it.

I suppose the easiest most succinct explanation is… I’ve fallen out of love with life… mine specifically. My life was by no means an easy or glamorous one but it was one I relished… warts and all. But that went out the window… seemingly in the blink of an eye one day. This also explains (and not justifies) why I have not been blogging either.

I could point to the current political climate or the relentless bombardment of negative news or… I could go on, but that would be unfair. There have been occasional showers of the positive variety as well. Mind you, the flip side doesn’t help… but for the most part, the external elements have been pretty much in balance. And placing blame on anything that I have no control of is just not something I have subscribed to. I’ve always been a bit of a stoic that way.

This comes from within… deep within. The tank that runs my engine feels like a clanking void. As such, any kind of creative endeavor is moot… simply because there seems to be nothing to pull from. So, in practical terms, this becomes a conundrum. Not just for any creative flights of fancy but it also affects landing much (or any for that matter) projects of the bread and butter variety. Potential clients can detect the growing rot from within. And I’m dragging on the few client projects I do have… and it feels like swimming in an ocean of molasses.

This is not sustainable… both personally or professionally. So, about a month ago I began the process of slowly clawing myself out of this morass. It is going to be a haul… but bit by bit I think I will get to a better place. The next goal after that will be a journey to a place where I want to be.  But one step at a time, eh?

And not to sound ungrateful or ungracious but I’m not lobbying for pity or strokes. So, please spare me those if you’re reading this here or on social media. I even debated and agonized if I should even share this post… but here you have it as part of my own attempt at healing. I would actually prefer if you go out and do a practical kindness for someone. The perpetuation of that kind of energy will do all of us much more good collectively. On my end, it is getting better… I’ll come out of this… somehow.

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Familial Re-connections & Connections http://manunis.com/oldblog/2018/09/familial-re-connections-connections/ Sun, 16 Sep 2018 16:36:47 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9475 Continue reading

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It has certainly been the Summer for it. To be accurate it began in late Spring. My Godmother, who I have not seen since I was 16 came to visit. The trip was supposed to have taken place last year, but due to unforeseen circumstances, it was postponed until this year.

For a while growing up, I was convinced that Emma Peel from The Avengers was my Godmother. Yeah, she (Val) was that hip and possessed more than a passing resemblance to Diana Rigg. Also, in my eyes, she lived a fabulous life. For the record… she still does… spending a goodly part of every year traveling. Her visit here was just one stop along the way that included cruising through the Panama Canal, the fiords of Norway as well as extended stops in London and Tel Aviv.

Val is still a sophisticated, vibrant, beautiful and vivacious woman who can outwalk me. She proved that on more than one occasion especially on our visit to San Francisco. (O.K. so maybe I need to step up my walking mojo.) There was also a visit up to Yosemite. Little did I know (until we got up there) that this was on her personal bucket list. It did give me a bit of a thrill and warm pride that I was able to facilitate that.

We spent a lot of time together catching up and reconnecting. A lot of the time was also spent regaling each other with stories… filling in the blanks as it were for those missing years away from each other. I was especially delighted with the stories shared about my parents before I was even a thought… let alone a glimmer in their eyes.

It was a good visit. Hopefully, how I turned out wasn’t too much of a disappointment to her.

Then, a few weeks ago, a couple of cousins, Mark & Zach, from Australia came for a visit.

Now, Mark (on the right in the picture) is the youngest son of my first cousin and is Australian born. (If you are wondering… his grandfather, Johnny and my Dad, Harold were brothers.) We had Skyped on occasion over the years but hadn’t met face to face… until they arrived in Fresno.

Zach (to the left in the picture) is Mark’s son… who has been accepted to the University of Idaho on a track and field scholarship. So, their visit here was one of two stops on their way Moscow, ID. where Zach was starting college. The fact that they took the time and effort to visit me on their way… I considered a privilege.

Although there were visits here and there (the Underground Gardens, Gazebo Gardens, SF, etc…) while they were here… really, the time was mostly spent getting to know each other. From that standpoint, I can safely say the visit was a success. I found Mark to be “one of the good guys” and Zach a fun and well brought up young man. And yes, the Nunis blood definitely runs through their veins as it does in mine. You can always spot a Nunis… it is in the eyes… the threat of fun and mischief sparkles in them. (And more often than not… acted upon.)

Mark and I had several conversations about this… between me sharing with him stories about the grandfather he never knew. We shared the “easy going… spot the fun opportunities” which are familial traits. It is the kind of connection that one doesn’t consciously think about but can easily spot a mile away. As Mark put it on their last night here, “When all is said and done… we are family and I spotted that in you when we met.”

I was actually moved by this because living in this part of the world… visits by the family are rare. I can count on one hand how many have taken place in all my time here.

These two visits reminded me that I am (still) connected. Yes, I do commune with cousins on Facebook… but face to face visits, sharing meals and chatting in the flesh is a rare occurrence for me. I’m not complaining… it just is… so, when meet-ups like these happen it is pretty significant in my book.

I am thankful for them (these visits) and can only hope they are not so few and far between down the line.

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a rare movie review http://manunis.com/oldblog/2018/08/a-rare-movie-review/ Sun, 19 Aug 2018 02:42:02 +0000 http://manunis.com/oldblog/?p=9468 Continue reading

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Crazy Rich Asians… yeah, I watched it this afternoon… in the cinema at that! (Doesn’t happen very often.) Here is my review.

First off, ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ is a fun movie that is targeted towards a mainstream audience. So, pretty much a light rom-com that anyone can enjoy with plot lines that are familiar to that genre. Think ‘Cinderella’, ‘Pretty Woman’ and ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’ served up with a healthy stack of dim sum.

Cultural elements are served lightly enough to be relatable across the board. Not unlike ‘Shakespeare in Love’, a general audience can enjoy it but there are sprinkles providing an extra knowing wink if one knows the culture… sort of cultural easter eggs.

I thought everyone performed their parts well. Constance Wu’s character is lovable and kudos to Henry Golding for pulling it off on his first time out. Awkwafina and Nico Santos are scene-stealers and both Gemma Chan and Michelle Yeoh provide some sublime moments.

From a personal standpoint it was fun spotting some faces that I know and a couple I’m related to. (Yeah, really.) That was a fun surprise. It was also fun spotting locations and giggling at those cultural easter eggs mentioned above.

I do have some small quibbles though. The biggest one (and it is cultural) being the lack of other Southeast Asian faces in the film. Mainly because Singapore (like Malaysia) is culturally diverse. Yet, apart from a couple of Sikh security guards almost everyone is of Chinese heritage in the film.

One would think the wedding guests could have included some Indian and Malay faces. This, I felt was a little disingenuous (and ironic) considering what a big deal has been made in most of the press junkets touting the need for better representation in the industry. Afterall, the story is set in Singapore… and if it is… it should reflect the society there.

All that being said… it is an enjoyable romp of a movie… and yes… go and see it. On a scale of 1-10 I give it a 7.5.

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