I finally rolled out of bed at 2:20 AM. I had been up for a good 20 minutes before I mustered up the effort to finally get up and sit at the computer. I reach out for my coffee cup but it is not in the usual place. I remember I had left it outside. Seven steps away… it’s where I thought I’d left it the afternoon before.
I reach out and pour myself a half mug of cold coffee as the cats hover around my legs lobbying for food. Coincidentally, the pot of coffee sits not three feet away from the stash of cat food. Although it is earlier than I usually do… I fill their bowls with food. They proceed to hunker down to tuck in.
I get back to the computer to scan the news. Unlike the days of yore when I would deep dive into headlines, I deemed important… now I merely take in enough to be aware of what is happening in the world. Over the last 4 years, it has been the same shit on a different day… or variations of the same shit… mostly.
I then check out Facebook and ponder about the most crucial part of my day… what to have for lunch. Outside, I hear the clatter of the bowls I had filled with cat food barely an hour ago. Within minutes I hear loud chomping. I smile knowing the opossum has arrived as part of its daily rounds. The rest of my early day is then taken up with either writing or editing projects until it is time to deal with lunch.
For the first couple of months of this self-isolation period, I was tooling and re-tooling a screenplay I was commissioned to create. Partly because it was started before the lock-down period, partly because I mostly live like a hermit, and partly because my creative muscles were being flexed… I felt more than sustained while others were freaking out.
Once the product was delivered… I slowly slid into depression. At least I recognized it as such. Although the days rolled by one after another my life felt like it was in slow motion… like I was swimming in a lake of molasses. Not that I have a lack of projects… especially those of the video editing kind… everything just seems to take 10 times more energy to just start daily.
To be fair… not all days are like that… but it just seems by percentage… most days are. I still do have the occasional friend or two who visit. Don’t worry… the salon area is out of doors and is socially-distance compliant. I appreciate these visits. I do reach out virtually to check on others. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one reaching out.
I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been out… and that was mostly for groceries. I’m not on the paranoid scale… more on the cautious side with the safety recommendations. I don’t argue with deniers and non-compliers… simply because it is energy I can use elsewhere more productively… perhaps even creatively.
So, here we are… over four months into this thing. The world has changed and will continue to. It feels like we are sitting on the precipice of something major. Now we just have to decide what… and how to get there. Going back is no longer an option… and frankly, I’m glad it’s not. The “old normal” wasn’t that great. In many ways, I’m glad we were all forced to slow down. For many, it provided an opportunity to reassess what is important.
What is up ahead? Who knows… but ahead it is… our only choice is deciding what and how to get there. This blog post is my first accomplishment of the day… my next is to embark on my daily walk. Small steps, eh? But it is a forward motion… and that’s what counts.