I was thinking about her last night because it’s about this time of the season that she would request the Christmas decorations be put up. Part of what I was thinking about was that in my early life it was something she did for my sake… and for the latter part of her life the tables were turned and it was something I did for her.
For those of you who didn’t know her, Mum could best be described as a dainty soul who always believed in proper manners, hospitality and courtesy. So, some of what follows below were definite eyebrow raisers.
ON SINGAPORE:
Mum had a love/hate relationship with Singapore… and there’s family on both sides of the causeway. When provoked she would say, “You know what Singapore is? Malaysia’s balls… just look at the map.” There was also this gem. “Without water from Malaysia… Singaporeans won’t be able to wash their bums.”
ON SEX:
This was said when we were wondering if Janya was with pups, “I think she’s in the family way… I saw Guido covering her last month.”
ON ME DATING:
Almost every time I was about to embark on a date, “Remember, she’s someone else’s daughter.” Only once did I retort with, “And I’m someone else’s son.” Not did that stop her from still saying that every time after.
ON ORGANIC PRODUCE:
After me explaining the organic section at the supermarket her retort was, “I still don’t understand why it’s so expensive… shit (to fertilize it) is free.”
ON ASS KISSERS:
After explaining what the term “kiss ass” means she piped up with, “Oh, you mean a ball carrier.” (Reminding me of the colloquialism I grew up with.)
ON OUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE ALMIGHTY:
“Think about a campfire… if you throw a stone into it… sparks fly out… each and every one of us is one of those sparks.”
Those are some choice Mum-isms… if I remember more I’ll add it to this list. If you knew Mum and came across any feel free to list them in the comments below.