Every parent has gone through “the talk” with their kids. For some it can be excruciating and for others a breeze. Then there are others who avoid the talk completely. (Yeah, like your kids are never gonna have sex?)
Well, I have news for you parents… there is also “the other talk”.
(cue: stab theme from “dragnet”)
It usually begins with a cringe worthy set of words strung together such as, “If anything should happen to me…” We all know that is a soft pedal because this is not a case of “if” but “when”. (Yeah, like you’re not going to die?)
With the recent passing of Joan Rivers there is a video running around the internet about her having “the other talk” with her daughter.
I think this is a good thing. Sure, you can try to avoid it by having written instructions tucked away somewhere. I’ve got news for you… with the grief incurred by your demise that “somewhere” is probably going to end up being “nowhere”. This will probably result with your final wishes not being realized.
My recommendation is to have “the other talk”… and show your kids where the written instructions will be kept. Best of both worlds, eh?
Mum and I had that “other talk” several years before she passed. I am glad we did. Was it easy? No. Was it uber difficult? No.
(Incidentally, she passed on the duty of “the talk” to our family doctor when I was 12.)
The “other talk” we had was gentle and forthright. And may I add… quick. 10 minutes – tops! (Unless of course, you already have a 40 page script with dancing clowns and unicorn carriages with a particular color scheme to pore over. In that case, make sure your kids are also aware where the moolah for this extravaganza is stashed.)
Topics included not only what she wanted once she passed but also what she wished leading up to it. Like for instance the decision to “DNR or not to DNR”. (DNR = Do Not Resuscitate)
Yeah, these are not pleasant topics to discuss… but essential.
I’m counting this today because the practical courage it took Mum to muster and have this discussion (I believe) saved me from the angst of guessing what she wanted. Looking back, it was a gift to me. Being able to comply with her wishes took all the guesswork out of it and also provided me comfort.
So, do yourself and your kids a huge favor and schedule “the other talk”… and have it.
